thriving-child.com blog

All parents should watch the Dog Whisperer!

Okay, so I recently saved a puppy from PAWS - isn’t he the cutest thing ever!

At the suggestion of many, I started watching the Dog Whisperer with Cesar Milan on the National Geographic Channel. I have to say it is one of the best shows I have seen in a loooooong time! It’s great for dog owners, but so much of it transfers over to being a parent and working with children as well.

The main points I think parents could take away from watching Cesar:

• Be Calm and Assertive
• Set Boundaries, Rules, and Limitations
• Be cautious and conscientious of the energy you project. Your energy transfers to those around you. Cesar says your energy transfers through the leash to the dog - meaning if you are feeling tense, frustrated, angry, etc, you dog will feel this and react to it. Children are the same way! If you are frustrated or angry on the inside, even if you are trying to smile on the outside, your child will feel it and respond to it.
• Be the pack leader! Children need leaders in their lives - and in the family environment it should be the parents. When y ou are the leader, the parent, then your kid can just focus on being a kid, knowing you will keep them safe.
• Live in the present and don’t hold a grudge based on what happened yesterday

Now, just to be clear on the things I don’t think transfer from Dog Whisperer to parenting:

DON’T put your child on the ground and pin them thereto show dominance
DON’T make corrections for every little thing your child does wrong
DON’T say “shush”, make your hand like a mouth and bite them, or touch your child with your foot when trying to correct a behavior
and of course, DON’T put a leash on your kid a rollerblade them around the neighborhood until they drool

Being sick..and being present..

In the last few days I was sicker than I have been in years. I was beginning to think I was invincible and must have an extremely hearty immune system since it seems everyone around me has been sick, and I never got it.

Well, the universe began to give me warning on Thursday night as I began to slip into a foggy haze, a slight chill that wouldn’t quite go away, a sore throat and a bit of a cough. By Friday I had been put in my place, with full on aches and pains, so much pressure in my head that my teeth hurt, a cough down to the depths of my lungs and almost the inability to remain vertical.

I spent all of Friday in bed - with my head pounding I couldn’t stand to read, and I found the sad truth that there is absolutely nothing on TV during the day. Bored out of my mind I began to think about my present situation, the pain I was in, how I felt, how my body felt, what I was doing and what I wasn’t doing.

I have to say that one day was a day I am grateful for - as much as I love the idea of being present on ones own self in this space and time, it does not happen much for me. In my line of work as a therapist I am present a lot - for and with the client - I am present in what they are saying, displaying, showing, expressing, not saying - but that is not the same as being present with my own feelings, pains, thoughts. Often I spend time trying to get away from my own presence - trying to shake of the emotions of others I was saturated with that day, or thinking about what I need to do next and where I need to go. Like many of us, my thoughts are centered around other people and what they need and what I need to do for them, or around my own life of what to do.

So now sick in bed, I truly was present with exactly the presence of the fatigue, soreness, illness of myself, right now, here. And I accepted it, and I loved it. I didn’t love being sick or feeling the way I did, but I love that there was no getting away from it. Nothing I did could take me out of the moment of being here..crappy as it was…in flesh and bone and soul. me. here. now.

I think it’s very true that we don’t notice, or appreciate something, until it’s gone. This gave me such a wake up call to the presence of my body, my being in daily life, and made me so grateful for my general health and wellbeing as well. Its easy to take for grated being able to get up everyday and to basically forget how your body feels because it feels pretty good.

In a funny way I also had a reality check to a fantasy I think all of us have. I have occasion wondered what it would be like to not work or not really be doing anything…and now I get that I could not do that! I have to be putting energy out, and being in contact with others in exchange - it makes me feel good! I am this body, in this flesh and soul, but experiences and this life, are mean to be shared!

In any case, that was my ah-ha experience from being sick. I believe that we attract experiences to us to learn from, and I like to think I learned the lesson from this one. Not to say I won’t get sick again…but this time it was a good thing.

check out this uplifiting video…

http://www.kumbayamovie.com/

tomorrow you can choose again…

Washington Law Limits Mercury in Vaccines

A physician friend received this (see below) and passed it along to me. I think by know everyone is familiar with the debate of having mercury in vaccines, and the effect that may have on young children (Autism being the biggest concern).

At least, by the looks of this notice put out to physicians by the Washington State Department of Health, they are starting to pay attention. Although they haven’t completely wiped out the use of mercury in vaccines, I think it’s a step in the right direction.

click on the link to download a pdf of the mailer sent.

DOH notice vaccinations

A Dog’s Purpose

I got this in an email forward this morning, and thought I would post it here.

Part of the reason why I love working with children so much is that they have such a pure essence, a pure soul, that they can cut to the heart of an issue. Sometimes as adults we can over analyze, over think, and over speak an issue to death, and still never get anywhere! Children get right to the heart!

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old

Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog’s owners, Ron, his wife,

Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker,

and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the

family we couldn’t do anything for Belker, and offered to perform

the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it

would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure.

They felt as though Shane might learn something from the

experience

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker’s

family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old

dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was

going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker’s transition without any

difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker’s

death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are

shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly,

piped up, “I know why.”

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next

stunned me. I’d never heard a more comforting explanation.

He said, “People are born so that they can learn how to live a

good life — like loving everybody all the time and being nice,

right?” The six-year-old continued, “Well, dogs already know

how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as long.”

here fishy fishy fish oil

I am a huge proponent of fish oil supplements, both for adults and children.

Below is a link to Dr Mercola’s webite, which I read pretty frequently. I think he has good information and seems to do his research, though sometimes I wish he wasn’t marketing a product in every article. In any case, the link below is his take on fish oil and ADHD, and I think he does a good job of summing up the story.

http://www.mercola.com/2002/jul/20/adhd.htm 

Although there are always people who do not find a supplement or treatment beneficial, useful, or helpful - and I’m sure someone will read this and come back saying fish oil did not make any difference with their child - I will say that I have seen positive changes in kids in my practice who took fish oil supplements.

As one parent said, “he seems to have the edge taken off” when referring to her 6 year old son who had a tendency to be aggressive and hyperactive.  It’s not going to take a kid who’s at a 10 down to a 1, but if it brings them down to a 5 or a 6, I think that’s great progress! For most kids I’ve seen, it’s taken them down a few notchs in reactivity and impulsivity and aggression/anger, so that they were then able to use tools we worked on in therapy of how to think through a problem, see the consequences, etc.

Just FYI, I like coromega fish oil supplements. They taste like orange creamsicle, have a pudding consistency and come in a small pouch you can just squeeze into your mouth or give to your kiddo. They also have a new version specific for kids called coromega child brain and body that is supposed to taste like lemon-lime, but I haven’t tried it yet. My experience is that you can buy fish oil capsules cheap at costco, but after a few fish burps and yucky tastes, you won’t be able to get your kiddo to take them any more, and you won’t want to either.

yay fish oil!!

Focusing on future…(cont)

Okay, so it was not as hard as I thought it was going to be. When I finally sat down, titled my page “2008 - What I want to create in my life” and started with Personal - things just started flowing. I actually also started putting things under Health/Fitness, Relationships, Business/Professional Development, Finances, and Spirituality.

It’s strange, but I almost feel a sense of relief in having written things down - like it helped to make sense of everything in my head and to ground it into reality, here, in 2008.

Just in case you are having a bit more trouble getting the ideas flowing, I thought I would add a few questions for each topic for you to think about, as I did for first topic in the last post.

Okay, so:

Health and Fitness:
Do you like the way you look?
Do you like the way your body feels?
Do you feel healthy?
Do you feel energized? tired? exhausted?
Do you want to feel different? how?
Do you exercise? Do you want to change anything about that?
Do you want to try something new? marathon/yoga/raw food diet
Are there any doctors appointments or nagging things you need to take care of?
Do you get enough sleep?
How do you feel?

Relationships:
Do you like the relationship you are in (or do you want one)? How would you like it to change?
Would you like to change the way in which you communicate or handle things in your relationships?
Are you holding grudges? Would you like those to be resolved this year?
Is there anyone you’d like to reconnect with?
Is there anyone you need distance yourself from or let go?
Do you have any apologies to make?
How do you handle emotions with others - can you tolerate anger or disappointment, or are you always trying to make everyone happy around you?
Do you feel fulfilled with your partner - emotionally? physically? sexually?
Is there anything about the way your family (or relationship) functions that you would like to be different?
How do you act with your children? Is there anything you’d like to change?
What do you need to ask for help with?

Business/Professional Development:
Do you like your job or the way you spend your days?
Are there any skills you would like to improve upon?
Do you need to invest something into your business?
Do you need to search for something new?
What is your passion?
What would you do if you could do anything?
How do you feel at the end of the work week? Is this good, or does it need to change?

Finances:
Are you happy with your finances?
Do you have debt? Do you want to resolve it?
Student loans, credit cards, mortgage?
Do you want to make a big purchase this year? house? car?
Do you want to be saving - IRA, savings, retirement accounts?
How do you want to feel while paying bills?
How do you want to feel when you get your paycheck?

Spirituality:
Do you feel connected to a higher source/power? Do you want to?
Do you feel intuitive?
Are you interested in meditation?
Do you want to expand your knowledge in a spiritual practice or domain?
Do you feel grounded in a belief system? Does that system help you or hold you back?
Is there anything in your life that is holding you back from being more spiritual (whatever that means to you)?

These are just some questions to get you thinking about things in your life…areas where things are good…and maybe areas where some action might be needed to take change.

I have one warning - don’t get overwhelmed when looking at your own list thinking “this is too much, I’ll never be able to have or get all of this.” This is simply an exercise to get it out of your head and down onto paper. It will help make it more tangible and help draw it to you.

Oh, and one more thing…phrase things in how you would like them to be not how you don’t want them to be. For example: I want to feel energized, healthy, and fit; instead of I don’t want to feel tired and fat.

Great seminars around seattle - parenting, teens, marriage, etc

http://www.parentmap.com/pathways

There are many great seminars happening over the next few months around Seattle geared towards parents and couples, hosted by some big names in child and adolescent development and psychology. I would highly recommend going to the Gottman lecture on March 5, Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child.

Happy New Year!!! Focusing on the self in the New Year.

Happy New Year to all of my clients, colleagues, and you!

The beginning of the year is supposed to be a great time to write down my intentions for the upcoming year - things I want to accomplish, create, and attract into my life. These aren’t necessarily resolutions (though they can be), but more an exercise in forcing myself to sit down and think about what I want - to daydream, picture, and envision my future, especially the year ahead.

This year in an effort to have more focus and clarity for myself, I am breaking things down into the areas of:

• personal (i.e. personal growth, self care, emotional wellbeing, living situation)
• health/fitness (i.e. weight, strength, endurance, energy level, food, eating/sleeping habits)
• relational (relationships of all types)
• business/professional development
• financial (i.e. abundance, spending, saving, planning for future)
• spiritual (i.e. connectedness, meditation, intuition)

I noticed it’s really interesting to watch myself struggle to sit down, pull out a piece of paper, and actually think about these things and write down what I want. Things seem to keep popping up to pull me away from the exercise (oh, I need to do laundry…side tracked to re-organizing the cleaning closet…make the bed and put away shoes…maybe I should take a nap…). Even writing this blog is actually another form of procrastination. Why am I so resistant to sitting with myself and dreaming about the future, and more specifically, my future?

I would love to say the past year has been fantastic and it’s easy to just imagine more of the same, but (at the risk of too much self disclosure - sometimes people feel like therapists must have perfect lives..after all, we must know how to deal with everything perfectly, right?) it hasn’t felt that way. It hasn’t been a bad year necessarily, but it has been a year of frustration, angst, confusion, disappointment, and sometimes feeling like I am pushing a rock up hill in specific parts of my life. So to sit down and think about the next year ahead - it’s easy to say I don’t want more of the same - but it’s hard to feel and see that it can be different. I know knowing what you don’t want is a great starting place, but it’s also very important to know, see, feel, and be able to articulate what you do want.

Okay, enough procrastination! One piece at a time. I will go and write down at least 3 things I want for my personal life in 2008.

here are a few questions to get the juices flowing:

Do you spend time alone with yourself?
Do you feel you act with integrity and honesty?
Do you like who you are?
Is there anything you would like to learn more about, or expand upon?
If you were on your death bed tomorrow, would you have any regrets?
Do you take time to reflect?
Do you have positive thoughts about yourself? or are you self-depreciating?
Do you carry guilt, shame, embarrassment, anger?

Okay…so what do you want to be like this upcoming year with yourself. At a Being level, who do you want to be? How do you want to feel about yourself?

now…do you want to go and do it too??? any struggles, resistance, distractions? what are you avoiding? or was it easy?

Sorry…more technical issues :| (resolved)

Sorry to anyone who’s tried to access my main website www.thriving-child.com in the last week or so. Apparently some changes to the website made it unfindable and people were getting a “forbidden access to server” warning. In any case, things should be up and running again (hopefully). Please give it another go to learn more about me, the work I do, and how I can help your child or adolescent!

Best wishes,

Robyn